Joysticks- 1983 Dir. Greydon Clark

Joy Sticks CoverTo appropriately describe this film, one might recall the old Frosted Mini-Wheats commercials (”the whole wheat side for the adult in you, the frosted side for the kid in you). Joysticks, another example of why Greydon Clark (Satan’s Cheerleaders, Black Shampoo) is the coolest guy ever, is packed full of both wheaty goodness and frosty delicious decadence. For the kid in you, we have a backdrop of an early 80s arcade and many shots of the games I grew up with like Centipede and Pac-Man. For the adult in you, there’s a bunch of butts and boobs in various phases of exposure. When you put them together, I’d be hard pressed to call this film anything but magically nutritious.

Plot:
An evil, yet concerned father (Joe Don Baker) tries to shut down the arcade where his daughter hangs out, much to the chagrin of its rag-tag group of patrons. When his bumbling henchmen are foiled in their efforts to rid the town of the vulgar video game house, Papa Joe Don enlists the help of a 1983 punk gang (led by the intriguing King Vidiot) to start violence in the arcade in hopes the town’s mayor will understand the true detriment it poses to the youth. Inevitably, the fate of the arcade comes to rest in hands of its young manager when he is challenged to a one-on-one video game contest against King Vidiot, where the winner takes all.

What Makes It Watch-able:
Aside from the sometimes terrible exposure of the film itself, this movie is not that bad. You’ve got a cohesive (though sort of predictable) plot, tons of great period outfits and language, and scene transitions that you have to see to believe (I won’t ruin it for you). Plus there are some truly funny gags speckled throughout the 86 minutes that will keep you laughing (at least on the inside, and sometimes at yourself for actually paying attention). Those into T and A will not be disappointed, and anyone who got to experience true arcade culture in its prime should also be amused.

Unfortunately, and I apologize to her once again for subjecting her to this and many other terrible movies, my girlfriend didn’t like the Joysticks that much:

I, on the other hand, had a pretty good time watching this film:

Times I had to avert my eyes: 0
Breaks necessary to complete viewing: 0
Overall rating from 1 to 10: 7

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