You Can

Christine wrote:That is such a great idea for a web site! Have you seen Doogal? Worst kid’s movie ever.

Doogal: Dir. Dave Borthwick, Jean Duval, and Frank Passingham

So, I watched this movie and thought it was a waste of time, but, since it’s a kid’s movie, maybe I just wasn’t “getting it”. Wrong! I went and checked out a bunch of the comments left by ticked off parents on IMDB and, apparently, their kids were as bored as I was. With all of the terrible kids’ programming out there, it warms my heart to hear that the youth can still recognize a big, to borrow some youthful vernacular, poop when they see it.

This cartoon had quite the star studded cast to do the voices (at least in the American version). Let’s see, we had: Jimmy Fallon, Whoopi Goldberg, Chevy Chase, Jon Stewart, William H. Macy, Judi Dench, Kylie Minogue, Ian McKellen, Kevin Smith, Bill Hader, and John Krasinski. I don’t think I’ve seen so much talent wasted since 1991 when Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Chevy Chase (him again!), and Demi Moore all teamed up to make the train wreck that was “Nothing But Trouble”. Anyway, the stars couldn’t carry this one–it was a total stinker.

The Plot:
A fat condescending dog, Doogal, frees an evil wizard on a spring named Zeebad from an enchanted carousel. A good wizard named Zebedee (also on a spring) sends Doogal plus a cow, a rabbit, a snail, and, of course, a train on a journey to find 3 diamonds so they can stick them to the carousel, banish the bad wizard, and ultimately undo all the evil Zeebad has caused. Zeebad and a wooden soldier join forces to get the diamonds first; the evil use they plan to put the magic diamonds to is, understandably, to “freeze the sun” and cover the world in ice. Following this so far?

On the journey, the animals and the train run into a moose who has a flatulence problem that isn’t funny, all the while making pop-culture references that also aren’t funny. It goes on and on until the end when, thankfully, they are saved by a power that is greater than frozen water, diamonds, or anything on a spring: friendship!

What Makes It Watch-able:
Oh, so little! I wish that I could say that any of the very talented cast made me laugh even once, but I can’t. This film’s saving grace is that it’s only 77 minutes long. Certainly, I’d rather have spent those 77 minutes watching extreme close-ups of houseflies eating or squirting lemon juice into my own eyeballs, but hey, it’s not for me…it’s for kids!!! Doogal is bad juju, but at least it preys mostly on children.

Times I had to avert my eyes: 0
Breaks necessary to complete viewing: 0
Overall rating from 1 to 10: 3 (Yes, Doogal is about on par with Beyond Evil, though at least we as a culture won’t force our young to watch the latter)

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