Matt wrote:
“A Million to Juan” saw it circa 1997 hungover on a
Saturday. Kept
watching cause I figured it couldn’t get any worse. Lost that bet.

A Million to Juan- Dir. Paul Rodriguez 1994

Haiku for Juan Lopez:

Juan gets a million
Former woes those of many;
Plot flaws take a toll.

This review contains several spoilers, so if you’ve never seen “A Million to Juan” but are planning to watch it in the near future, avoid the “Plot” section.

Okay, this is the kind of movie I like to see: something that is pretty bad in many ways, but has some qualities that are undeniably admirable. Paul Rodriguez directs and stars in this strange and in many ways surprising film that, though its downfalls are obvious from the beginning, I think was genuinely worth watching.

My knowledge of Rodriguez as an actor is based on a few of his numerous small and supporting roles in larger films as well as a few random appearances on TV shows. Well, actually, I also remember him from “The Whoopee Boys” 1986 (now THAT film is a 7 course crapfeast I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy). After sitting through “Whoopee Boys” about 6 years ago, I will never be able to consider myself a Paul Rodriguez fan; but as “A Million to Juan” held my interest for an hour an a half, I can see myself avoiding his work less in the future than I have in the past.

The Plot: Paul Rodriguez is Juan Lopez, a down on his luck Mexican raised, though U.S. born, single father living in East LA. He can’t seem to hold a job or scrounge enough to feed his kid or pay his rent. One sunny afternoon while selling oranges on a street corner, he is handed an envelope from an unseen person in a mysterious limousine. The envelope ends up containing a check made out for $1,000,000, and a letter saying that he can “use the check however he wants, but must return it at the end of 30 days”. Oh, the letter also promises a “present” at the end of the month for participating in the “experiment”.

Once the check is verified authentic, people just start coming out of the woodwork to give Juan stuff. He gets a Benz, some new threads, and I think some baseballs and a gym bag for his son all by just showing people the check.Unfortunately, just flashing a million dollar check doesn’t seem to help Juan’s status in the US or get him any closer to his immigration adviser, Olivia (Polly Draper), who Juan has a big crush on.

Pretty soon, it’s time to give the check back, which Juan does gladly, as it hasn’t seemed to help him do much of anything. In a weird turn of events, however, Juan and Olivia get together and receive a shack to turn into a restaurant (thus fulfilling the promise of a present in the letter).

What Makes It Watch-able: At least Rodriguez tried, and you can tell he really had something to say about something. If this movie was funny (and you’d think it would have been, seeing as how it’s categorized as a comedy), it could have joined the ranks of “Brewster’s Millions” and “Trading Places”. If it would have taken itself more seriously, it might have been more like a Mexican “Do the Right Thing” (yes, I just compared “A Million to Juan” to “Do the Right Thing”). Too bad the two funniest things in this movie were cans: the first, an aerosol can of patron saint air freshener, the second, an empty can of Diet Crystal Pepsi. Too bad any real drama about the Mexican experience in a border state was overshadowed by terrible jokes and ludicrous situations.

I feel for the Rodriguez. I’ve made a few shorts that just didn’t come out as I planned, and more than a few that couldn’t make my intended point because, in the end, they were just too muddled. The love story in the movie was laughably fast-paced and dumb. The main story in this movie was slow and unfunny. The deeper meaning was hazy, and the morality was confused. The movie on a whole, however, seemed a heartfelt attempt that just kept missing the mark. I would literally watch it again (though not for a while).

Times I had to avert my eyes: 0
Breaks necessary to complete viewing: 0
Overall rating from 1 to 10: 6

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