Matt wrote:
I just sat through the crapfest that is the South Korean horror hit “The Host,”
about a sea monster that kidnaps a little girl, and her retarded father has to rescue her with the help of his dysfunctional family. I know this film is right up your alley, and you’re probably sick enough to actually ENJOY the movie, but I figured if I had to watch it, so should you.

The Host- Dir. Joon-ho Bong 2006

Okay, people, this movie is AWESOME! I shouldn’t even be reviewing it because it was so good and this website is based on “so bad”. It had a monster (CG, but that’s just how the cookie crumbles nowadays), it had that monster vomiting, and, of course, it showed me the truth about what grieving looks like in Korea (seriously, one of the weirdest scenes I’ve watched in a while). If that wasn’t enough, there was archery, lots of snacks, and actors that were never dry (I can’t imagine that making this film was in any way comfy). Wait, did I mention a super-human father seeking revenge for his daughter? OH, BABY! “The Host” has it all!

The Plot: Wafer thin, just like I like ‘em. At the start of the movie, some guy puts some chemicals down a sink that drains into a local river. Flash forward a few years, and there’s a crazy mutation of a monster living in that very same river. Several members of a family that sells snacks on the river’s shore end up being victims of the monster’s first attack on humans. Claiming threat of a virus, the government captures them and quarantines them–that is, until the young girl from the family (thought killed by the monster) makes a phone call to her father from the depths of the sewers.

AWESOME, RIGHT? Well, it gets better. The family kicks into action–Grandpa, Dad, Auntie, and Uncle escape the clutches of their ruthless captors and proceed to HUNT THE GIANT MONSTER DOWN WITH SHOTGUNS AND A BOW AND ARROW! True cinema, thy name is “The Host”. Don’t want to ruin anything here, but you’ll get to see all of the following if you rent this movie:
1. A father fight through a lobotomy to save his little girl
2. A giant monster throw up something special
3. A homeless guy beat a man for giving him money

What makes it watch-able: Actually, there’s not much wrong with this movie at all. I prefer puppets to CG when it comes to monsters, but they did a good job here. I prefer women hunting down anything with a bow and arrow to be dressed better (think “Barbarella”), though here, it probably wouldn’t fit. I’d like a slightly more positive portrayal of the American army, but it’s the actions of a few crazed higher-ups that cause the problems (the one lower ranking American army guy in the movie is quite likable). And, of course, every movie but “Robocop” needs bigger guns.

Don’t expect this film to change your life. Don’t expect wall to wall action, either (there’s actually a fairly noticeable dead spot I could’ve done without). Do expect the best fish-monster you’ve seen in years, and expect it to be rather nimble.

Averted eyes: 0
Breaks needed: 1
Overall rating from 1 to 10: 8.5

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