I Can Watch a Lot Of Movies in a Short Period of Time
Thanksgiving Week
So, a friend of mine from L.A. came out to Austin this past week to hang out with me and my girlfriend, have some turkey, and, of course, watch some movies. It was a good week, and we had a blast, but I must say that some of the films we watched definitely deserve a space on this website.
The High Points: “Live Free or Die Hard” was fantastic–it had just the right amount of comedy and a ton of great action. “Severance”, a film I’d been wanting to see for quite some time, didn’t disappoint, and “Vacancy” also had a lot going for it.
What really took the cake, however, was “Mr. Brooks”. I had absolutely no desire to watch this movie, but my buddy talked me into it. There’s nothing better than when you think something’s going to be boring or preachy or whatever and it turns out to be incredible. I happen to like Kevin Costner quite a bit (”The Postman”, in my book, is right up there with “The Road Warrior” for post-apocalyptic excellence); even still, I was absolutely certain that “Mr. Brooks” was going to be terrible. I was so wrong. If you’re looking for a creepy, disturbing, and all around triumph of a film, look no further.
Here are the other movies I’ve watched in the past week: No Country For Old Men, The Mist, Hitman, Invisible, 200 Motels, The Number 23, Van Wilder 2; The Rise of Taj, a Joe Rogan stand-up special, Heartbeeps, and, inevitably, Beowulf. When we needed to take a break, we watched the first season of upright Citizens Brigade, YouTube stuff, a few pieces of movies on Showtime (including the incredibly entertaining last 15 minutes of a film called Doppleganger starring Drew Barrymore), and several installments of Magic’s Greatest Secrets Revealed.
Not all of these were bad. No Country was pretty good, and Hitman was a lot of fun. Of the remaining movies, however, The Rise of Taj was the best. Not to knock Van Wilder 2, cause I had a good time watching it, but when that’s the best pick out of so many films, you know something’s horribly amiss.
Bad movies are kinda my thing, but the past week really was a fluke. I always joke with my girlfriend that, since I went to film school, I should be the one who gets to pick the movies when we go to rent something. After going into a video store and coming out with “The Number 23″ and “200 Motels” at the same time, I’ll never be able to use that argument ever again.
Biggest disappointment runner-up: “Invisible”. I’m really tired of movies and TV shows that focus on privileged teens. “Invisible” is about this well-off kid that gets the hell beat out of him and is left for dead. But he’s NOT dead, see, and his soul (I guess) walks around shouting at people and being judgmental. It is literally IMPOSSIBLE to feel even a bit of sympathy for this bobo because he’s such a brat.
Listen, I’m all for the idea that everybody has problems, but I’m totally sick of watching shows and movies about the trials of regular people. Real problems are boring, and infusing them with stupid music and quick camera cuts only makes them louder and more annoying to watch. You know what kind of problem I want to see when I rent a movie? “The potion i just drank makes me irresistible to women” (i.e. Dr. Alien) or maybe “The Russians have invaded our high school and it’s up to the football team to take them on”. “There’s too much pressure to be something I’m not” is beyond played, and I wish people would give it a rest (or at least be required by law to put a sticker on it, a la Mr. Yuk, so I’ll know not to rent it).
Biggest disappointment of the week: “The Mist”. My buddy said that people have been trying to make this movie for years, but I have no idea why. There were only about 3 or 4 cool things that happened in this humiliating kick in the crotch of a film, and that’s including watching one of the characters get knocked off. A few of the monsters are worth seeing, but there’s no humor to the movie what so ever (which, in a horror flick, is a big problem). The characters seem to get dumber as the plot progresses, and the whole thing ends with a scene that makes “it was all a dream” look like “what’s in the box” from “Seven”.
If I had my druthers, I’d strap down Invisible and The Mist and make them watch 200 Motels over and over again for revenge.
On that note, Happy Holidays. I’m running a bit low on dares, so if you or a friend has any bad ideas, let me know!
-JN
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6 Responses to “I Can Watch a Lot Of Movies in a Short Period of Time”
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Most people hate bad movies. Some people like to make fun of them. Not me. I LOVE BAD MOVIES! This site is all about my love of horribly bad movies, television shows, and media. My friends have always told me that I'll watch anything. (Think I'm joking? Check out the list of things I've already watched under "categories"!) Now I'm going to put that to the test. I'm on a mission to find a movie so bad, even I can't sit through the whole thing! 
November 27th, 2007 at 12:12 am
Didn’t John Carpenter already make the Mist?
December 5th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Whoa, there.
The Mist (2007) is awesome. Not perfect. Maybe not great. But still awesome. Marcia Gay Harden is badass in this and the story beats the hell out of that of most horror movies. Few of King’s adaptations have been able to capture the true horror in his stories - that is: what PEOPLE do to other PEOPLE. The monsters are incidental in stories like The Mist and, luckily, this movie was so much more than the usual formula of: survive disaster, learn what the foe is, fight the foe, end with a couple survivors who have learned some kind of lesson. I certainly take issue with some parts of this film (the ending) but overall I stand by sentence 1: it is awesome.
December 5th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
you can’t sway me on The Mist. It’s bad. About 40 minutes into it, you’re just SO BORED of everybody making the wrong decisions I’d say that a lot of people would be willing to chalk their admission price up to experience and take a nap in their nice, comfy movie-theater seats. Stephen King has always been a bit of a puzzle to me. I LOVE some of his short stories, and The Gunslinger books and The Stand (which i’m currently reading for the 3rd time) are incredible, but when he writes horror or when anyone but Stanley Kubrick makes a movie out of one of his horror novels, it tends to stink. I’m glad someone got something out of The Mist–I think, however, there’s got to be a better way to spend tens of millions of dollars.
December 6th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Gotta disagree with you on the 40 minutes of bad decisions. Sure, mistakes were made, but they were not boring. SO much better than the typical “Don’t go down THERE!” type of bad-horror-movie-decisions. They were actually driven by common human flaws, and they were believable. I’m totally with you on your other comments about King’s movie adaptations (but I think he is a good horror writer, if yr saying he’s not). I was prepared to leave the Mist disappointed and frustrated as I am after MOST horror movies (especially since I like the novella and I hate what Hollywood usually does to King’s good stuff). But instead, I really liked it. A pleasant surprise.
December 6th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
No “don’t go down there’s”? As soon as someone shows up all bloody and says “don’t go in the mist, there’s bad stuff in it”, that’s all anyone talks about for the next hour (and, just like in any rote horror film) they pay the price. And maybe I’m a bit old fashioned, but I don’t want real human flaws in a work of fantasy-I want a witch who melts when exposed to water or a doll that’s invincible unless you snuff its owner. If I wanted to watch real people problems, I’d save my money and hang out at the grocery store (or put Dr. Phil on my Tivo list). But, hey, that’s me. I hated Top Gun and Dazed and Confused, too.
December 6th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
OK. You’ve got me on the “There’s something in the mist!” portion of the movie. But from there I think we can only agree to disagree. I don’t like my fantasy to lack the human element - I think fantasy stories benefit from it. As soon as Dr. Phil features a panel of religious zealots who have witnessed god’s true will in the form of proven monster attacks, you can bet I’ll be watching.