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Bed of Roses

So, I’ve been on hiatus for a little while—sorry about the wait for new reviews. I actually watched this movie about a week ago, and despite the many hours of recovery I’ve been allowed, I still can’t seem to get the stink of it out of my nostrils…

The Plot: This movie stars Christian Slater as a hopelessly romantic florist (yes, the man who once gleamed the cube and pumped up the volume gave up all his cool and started arranging flowers). He happens upon a pretty girl who he proceeds to stalk, send gifts to, and generally freak out. Who would’ve guessed that women actually LIKE this sort of behavior?

So, the woman is an over-achieving yuppie type who’s unhappy, but doesn’t know it until young Slater enters her life. Turns out she’s had a pretty rough past (I mean, she grew up in Pittsburgh—she probably had to eat French fries and coleslaw on every sandwich she consumed until she was 18). Anywho, they hit it off somehow and develop a relationship.

What makes it watch-able: First, I’ve got to give a big “yeah, right” to the whole romance aspect of this movie. Every girl I’ve ever met would be so immediately scared of a man that they met under those circumstances that they’d run for the hills. I wonder how many restraining orders Slater’s character had against him before he met old crazy pants.

As far as being fun to watch goes, this gets a big frowny face. I didn’t fall asleep, but I could’ve. You know when you order a pizza from a new place and there’s too much sauce, not enough cheese, and you find several stray toppings that not only weren’t requested, but you find a little gross? Quite a few movie have been made about two social weirdoes falling in love, and some of them are good (both Harold and Maude and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape come to mind). This movie pales in comparison to so many others with the exact same plot that it’s a particularly sour experience to watch.

Also, the idea of flowers playing a central role in a film is a bit unappealing. In fact, it’s films like this that make life just a little more lame. It sets up this strange scenario that wouldn’t work in real life in like a billion years, then tells all the ladies out there that they should expect this kind of crap from the man who they marry. I’d like to give a medal to every dude out there who’s girlfriend has watched and enjoyed this film (or other films like it), and is still a happy guy.

Don’t get me wrong about the flowers thing. I get it—they’re pretty. Some of them even smell nice. But there are only two situations that I can think of right now where they deserve any ample amount of screen time: