Tom wrote: Kind of a generic, unoriginal suggestion here but
I’ve never met anyone that’s
seen this yet it is widely perceived as horrible…
My suggestion is “Gigli.”Better you watch it than me.

Gigli - Dir. Martin Brest 2003

There’s something to be said about a movie that has inspired as much hatred as Gigli. We’ve all heard the horror stories about how terrible the film is, and I knew that it was just a matter of time before someone would dare me to watch it. The cover alone is a bit intimidating, and the fact that I was initially given “Gigi” at the counter of my video store further added to the idea already in my head that I wouldn’t be able to watch this. Life, however, is a series of challenges, and I wasn’t about to back down from this one. After returning to the video counter to procure the proper film, I called up a buddy, and the watching did commence.

The Plot: Gigli (Ben Affleck) is a hired goon sent to kidnap and keep an eye on Brian, a mildly retarded teenager (?) who’s brother is a big time federal prosecutor. Ricki (J-Lo) shows up to make sure that the operation goes smoothly.

Gigli is, of course, attracted to Ricki. Too bad she’s a lesbian. Anyway, the unlikely trio spends most of the movie simply getting to know each other. The experience not only brings each closer to the other two, but ultimately to themselves, as well.

What Makes it Watch-able: First off, I watched this as a dare double-feature. When you pair just about anything with The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (review coming soon), the former will look like “North By Northwest” in comparison. Circumstances aside, I must admit that Gigli didn’t live up to the kind of terrible hype it received–really, it wasn’t half bad.

Not that it was half good either. The story is asinine at best. J-Lo’s unreal calm in the face of danger and sexual advances is well beyond believable. This is okay in a film like Rambo or Cobra, but in Gigli, her demeanor starts to wear on you quickly. The long speech, accompanied with her own brand of junk laden yoga, about a ladies crotch is far from the priceless gem that it was obviously meant to be. I often find it difficult to not project an actress’s beauty onto her performance. Basically, if she looks good, I am usually left with the general feeling that she did a good job. Lopez is pretty darn attractive, but it just wasn’t enough–too bad considering that she has at points blown me away completely (see Out Of Sight) Affleck isn’t bad. He does a pretty good job of playing an uptight butthole with anger issues.

Both Christopher Walken and Al Pacino show up, and each adds his own intensity to the film for a few seconds, but the real prize in Gigli is Brian (Justin Bartha). As far as young actors portraying the mentally handicapped go, he’s no Gilbert Grape’s brother, but he does deliver one line that had me laughing for a full minute straight. I’m not going to ruin it for anyone, but it’s perfection.

I almost forgot! I don’t know what the reaction of the actual lesbian community was to this film, but it couldn’t have been positive. First, the main lesbian character gets with a guy–LAME! But even more insulting, a supporting lesbian character, J-Lo’s ex in the film, is a total nutjob the whole time she’s on screen. She shows up for like 10 seconds, tries to kill herself (in one of the most mild and under-the-radar suicide attempts ever to be put on camera), and then gets made all better after a quick hug from Lopez. If I was a lesbian, this movie would make me sick. I guess it did that to a certain extent, anyway, and there’s a lot of the country that would agree with me.

Would I recommend Gigli to others? Not really. Does it deserve to be singled out as one of the worst movies ever? Not a chance.

Breaks needed to complete viewing: 0
Times I averted my eyes: 0
Overall rating from 1 to 10: 4

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