Amy () wrote:
Hey Jon,
I dare you to watch “Shoot Em Up” starring Clive Owen and Monica Bellucci.  I’m reluctant to suggest this movie because it’s not really a fair dare if I think you will enjoy it, which I suspect you might.  I, on the other hand,  had to restrain myself from “Shoot em up-ing” my fellow applauding and cackling theatergoers while watching this movie.  What is so hilarious about shooting the sh-t out of people- most of the time it wasn’t gory or ridiculous enough to make me laugh anyway- even though there were a few moments that were.
Plus there’s a CG baby that was trying to reach through the movie screen and steal my soul the whole time.  I tried to focus my attention on Monica Bellucci’s breasts for safety, but not even they could save me (AHHH!!).  Anyways, good luck & happy watching!

Shoot ‘Em Up - Dir. Michael Davis 2007

HEY, AMY! GUESS WHAT? THIS MOVIE IS GREAT!!! THIS IS THE KIND OF FILM THAT MADE ME START THIS SITE IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU’VE DONE ME A GREAT SERVICE BY DARING ME TO WATCH IT–HOW WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO THANK YOU?!

THE PLOT: I DON’T REMEMBER TOO WELL. THERE WAS THIS GUY WHO WAS REALLY GOOD AT SHOOTING THINGS DISTRACTING ME.

WHAT MAKES IT WATCH-ABLE: LET ME TELL YOU, BUDDY, THIS GUY COULD SHOOT ANYTHING! HE COULD GET A JOB SHOOTING CERTS AND TURNING THEM INTO BREATHSAVERS, AND HE COULD DO IT FROM A MILE AWAY. I KEPT THINKING WHAT THIS GUY’S DAY TO DAY LIFE WOULD BE LIKE (OR MORE PRECISELY, WHAT MY DAY TO DAY LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF I HAD THOSE KINDS OF SKILLS). I CAN JUST IMAGINE MYSELF UNTYING MY SHOE LACES BY SHOOTING THEM, OR PREPARING DINNERS FOR ONE BY SHOOTING THEM OUT OF THE FREEZER, INTO THE OVEN, AND MAYBE THROWING SOME NINJA STARS AT THE DIALS TO HEAT IT UP. THERE IS NO END TO WHAT I WOULD DO IF I COULD USE WEAPONS THAT WELL–IT IS A GREAT TESTAMENT TO CLIVE OWEN’S GENEROUS NATURE THAT HE WOULD GO AROUND PROTECTING BABIES. I’D END UP SQUANDERING MY TALENTS TURNING COMPOSITION PAPER INTO BINDER PAPER OR MAKING MY OWN MESH SHIRTS ONE HOLE AT A TIME.

I HAVE TO ADMIT, THOUGH, THAT I UNDERSTAND (THOUGH CERTAINLY DON’T AGREE WITH) WHERE AMY IS COMING FROM. THIS MOVIE APPROACHES, WITHIN THE FIRST 4 MINUTES, A LEVEL OF LUDICROUS THAT IS RARELY SEEN. IF THIS ISN’T YOUR KIND OF THING, IF YOU AREN’T THE SORT OF PERSON WHO’S INTERESTED IN WHAT CAN BE SHOT, WHERE YOU CAN SHOOT IT, AND WHAT KIND OF EFFECT THAT BULLET CAN CREATE UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, THIS MOVIE WILL BE A BIT MUCH FOR YOU. VERY SIMILAR, IN FACT, TO READING A MOVIE REVIEW WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS. BOOYAH!!!

Breaks needed to complete viewing: 0, and also went back and watched a few favorite scenes immediately after the movie was done
Times I averted my eyes: couldn’t have done it if I tried
Overall rating from 1 to 10: 9 this movie was fantastic!

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!