The Rev () wrote:
Sorry to do this to you, but I dare you to watch Dead Clowns.  I did, and I want
that part of my life back.  The best thing on this disc are the trailers, so I
would recommend not skipping them.  Drive Thru sure did look like something
special…

Apology accepted, Rev! Dead Clowns: Dir. Steve Sessions 2003

I did watch all of the trailers, and must admit that I wished I’d have stopped the disk once they were finished. This film, like so many others, relies heavily on the fact that most people don’t ask for their money back at the video store. Dead Clowns is a tough thing to sit through, especially if you try and pay attention to it. Though it had a few redeeming qualities, they were far outnumbered by the amount of time the film spent doing pretty much nothing.

The Plot: In a sleepy coastal town, in the not-so-distant past, a train carrying circus folk was swept away by a hurricane. The clown car fell into the ocean and, for some reason, the townspeople covered it up. Now, during a new hurricane, the dead clowns are back in zombie form and taking their vengance on the next generation of townsfolk. Additionally, we also meet a Mickey and Mallory Knox-type couple who kill people with no remorse in hopes of getting on TV.

What Makes it Watch-able: Well, if you’re into gore for gore’s sake (and you’ve never seen it done really well), you might be impressed by some of the eating people scenes. I have to give the make-up crew some credit, as some of the zombies looked okay. There is also a skeleton puppet that walks around for a couple shots that I think deserves a cheer. Actually, the overall lack of computer effects in Dead Clowns is both commendable and appreciated.

As for the other facets of the film, dissapointed would be the wrong word, as my expectations were non existant. How about boring? Laborious? Crapulent? The plot is incredibly disjointed. The acting, though passable in some portions, is truly trying overall. The Natural Born Killer couple is particularly grating. What little plot the movie has is terrible, and while it might have been due to my mind’s constant wanderings during the viewing, it was also quite difficult to keep the story lines of the various characters straight. It was almost as if whatever was currently on screen was sucking the life out of whatever was going to come next. TOTAL FLOP!

I’m going to stop talking about Dead Clowns in particular and express my recent feelings about horror films in general for a bit. Is it just me or is everyone having a hard time finding good horror flicks? I went to see The Strangers in the theater a few days ago, and while I don’t want to pick on it too much (I’ve certainly seen worse), it just seemed to be the latest in a long string of horror films that have left me feeling empty. It’s like every horror movie that comes out falls into one of two categories: Gummo or Clueless. I’m going to throw The Strangers into the Gummo category (and those Saw movies, though i admit i’ve only watched the first one): a drawn out tale of trashy people doing trashy things. There’s nothing particularly interesting about the plot (a young couple is terrorized by weirdos); there’s good suspense at points, but it all gets ruined by a story that does nothing for the viewer. In the Clueless category: the American The Eye with Jessica Alba and any of these other films that focus on 15 to 25 year old goofballs who you end up wanting to get hacked up after watching them for 20 minutes. I keep feeling either let down or dirty when I finish watching a horror movie. What happened to feeling scared?! What happened to getting freaked out?! There is a distinct difference between being scared and being vomitous, and a huge difference between getting freaked out and being turned off. Aren’t there any horror films out there for adults? Anyway, if you’ve seen anything you think I might enjoy, I’d certainly appreciate it. I love watching crap for this website (just as much as I loved it before the website came about–or even more), but I have to know that it’s being balanced out by something or I’ll get depressed!

Averted eyes: 0

Breaks needed to complete viewing: 1 very long one

Overall rating from 1 to 10: 2.5

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