You Can’t Watch This

Since I’ve been living in a small town, my access to less than extremely popular films on DVD has been limited. Though I do have the Netflix, it just isn’t the same as going through a video store and physically finding stuff to rent. Enter my girlfriend’s sister’s “On Demand”. Though “On Demand” does push the normal Blockbuster fare, skipping to the movies for free section sometimes offers a few gems.

The Midnight Meat Train - Dir. Ryuhei Kitamura (2008)

SO, the director of “Versus” and the writer of “Hellraiser” teamed up to make a movie? Awesome! This should be the best movie I’ve ever seen, right?

The Plot: A photographer who wants to make a name for himself as a serious artist ends up stumbling upon a dark secret on a late-night subway train. Turns out, some big butcher-by-day is killing passengers every night with some sort of Meat Hammer. Intrigued and hungry for exposure–and egged on by Brooke Shields, no less–our photographer begins following butcher-boy around…

What Makes It Watch-able: Well, I’m a sucker for a good title; I don’t know if I’d be able to live a fulfilling life knowing that there was a movie out there called “The Midnight Meat Train” that I hadn’t seen. Even if I got halfway through it and hated it, I’d have watched the rest of it anyway, just to know that I did. Fortunately, this movie had a lot more going for it than just the title.

First off, the fact that this movie wasn’t rated PG13 is a big plus. I’m sick to death of seeing horror films that were made for children. Though I’m not a gore-lover, I am gore-appreciative–when a so called “horror” movie can’t deliver the goods because it was made to accomodate kids in middle school it gets on my nerves. Meat Train does a good job of giving you the gore you need in concentrations that are not over-powering.

The story is not just fun, but fulfilling. I am a little tired of horror movies where the characters are subjected to awful things for no reason. This photographer was being punished for being a butthole, which is how I like it. “Oh, Brooke Shields thinks I should take more disgusting photos if I want to be a real player in the art world–you know what? I’m gonna start riding the latest train I can find, wait till someone gets slaughtered, and impress everyone with my awesome new portfolio!” Whatever loser; you opened the box, now you get a taste of the meat hammer.

Sure, some of the CGI gore effects were a bit corny. Yeah, maybe this wasn’t the most innovative tale on the planet. However, the executions of the executions were swift, bloody, and striking. Plus, there was a definite sense of suspence and style throughout the film which made even the slower scenes fun to watch. “The Midnight Meat Train” is well worth a viewing. And hey, even if you don’t like it, at least you will get to say you watched it!

Averted Eyes: 0

Breaks Needed to Complete Viewing: 1

Overall Rating from 1 to 10: 7.5

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