You Can’t Watch This

This was a dare given to me by my sister, Rosanna. Thanks, sis. It was horrid.

Swing Kids - Dir. Thomas Carter 1993

I saw the preview for this movie 16 years ago and knew that I didn’t want to watch it. I’ve seen it in video stores for years and have always passed it by. Sometimes you avoid a thing for years, but when forced to deal with it, it turns out to be better than you expected. Now that I’ve watched Swing Kids, I can say without doubt that it would have been more agreeable to subject myself to any number of the things that I’ve avoided since the age of 14 (fights with people bigger than me, hostage situations, rabies, responsibility, eye contact with crazy people, honest assessments of my situation, etc). The adjective that comes to mind is “shameless”; it’s obvious that Swing Kids knew what it was doing–it just didn’t care.

The Plot: As the Nazis come to power, one of the best ways for the German youths to rebel was (apparently) swing dancing. Peter (Dr. Wilson from the TV show House) and Thomas (Christian Bale) are swing dancing fiends, but since the Nazis tend to make life difficult for Swing Kids, they decide to join the Hitler Youth so they can dance at night without fear. While Peter remains true to himself and the swing movement, Thomas gets really into the Nazi propaganda and decides that Hitler is right. Friction ensues.

What Makes It Watchable: Sometimes the dialogue is delivered with a German accent and sometimes it’s pure American english (for anyone who gave Kevin Costner a hard time for Robin Hood: Prince of Theives, the accent continuity in Swing Kids will make you gag), which is mildly amusing. The Swing Kids themselves do a decent job with the script they were given, but it’s hard to take them seriously (certainly not as seriously as the movie wants you to take them) when they keep dancing out their aggressions like Kevin Bacon and saying things like “Swing Heil”. The vain attempt Swing Kids makes to tug at your heart strings fall short because the backdrop of the swing lifestyle is just too corny. A film revolving around Goth kids battling terrorism by talking at length about how good Marilyn Manson is and congregating to drink fake blood would have a similar effect. The only things this movie really tells us: Nazis are bad, kids are dumb, and people that can only talk about what music they listen to are boring. No surprises there!

On the up side, it’s really fun to watch Batman evolve from an avid swing dancer to a super scary Nazi. Watching Dr. Wilson run around being angsty in his Hitler shorts keeps the party going, too. Like any unsuccessful combination of Schindler’s List and Flashdance, Swing Kids is not without a few unintentionally funny moments, but if you want a GOOD movie about music and Nazis, check out Cabaret or The Sound of Music.

Averted Eyes: 0

Breaks Needed to Complete Viewing: 0

Overall Rating from 1 to 10: 4   

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I liked this movie when it came out, and I like it still. I’m glad someone asked me to watch it, cause it’s been a little while.

Tom wrote: Ok, I dare you to watch Fargo.  Not because I think its all that bad, but per
your review of Top Gun, please explain to me what makes Fargo so good.
Seriously, what’s all the hype about? Why have some reviewers called Francis
McDormand’s performance “sublime?”  

Fargo - Dir. Joel Coen 1996

Watching this movie after a several year break was, in fact, sublime (though, I admit to looking up “sublime” in the dictionary). To be scrupulous, Frances McDormand’s performance was even more salient than I remembered it. The story was as facund as the first time I watched it, and the compelling foil of Steve Buscemi’s character and his consort (Peter Stormare, who, incidentally I once delivered a sandwich to [he tipped well]) was decidedly “boss”.

The Plot: A mild-mannered rube (William H.Macy) devises a scheme to get himself out of a willy of a monetary pickle: he will hire two hooligans to abscond with his wife, which in turn will compel his father-in-law to “put up” a “ransom” that “is” enough to both compensate the goons and get himself out of debt. As one would expect in a Coen brothers production, circumstances become complicated rather quickly. Frances McDormand, a local police officer who is in a family way, is put on the case after the first blood is drawn. What subsequently unfolds is simultaneously an unparalleled game of cat and mouse and a comedy that is darker than a crow at midnight.

What Makes It Watchable: Fargo is simply a solid film that is set in a background that was (and still is) largely shunned by Hollywood. It’s performances were not just quirky, but relatable–its players not only captivating, but recognizable. The Machiavellian motives of Macy’s character (and his just and resultant desserts) play out as dulcetly as Pachabel’s Cannon in “D”, though the audience is ultimately left with a (perhaps disturbing) feeling of compassion, even for this film’s rougest of rouges.

To put it plainly, the well-paced and unusual plot, the believable performances of the actors, and the interesting and unique setting are what make this film a winner. You could say that the hype over this movie was a bit excessive, and I wouldn’t call you wrong, but how often do you see a film where you can’t pick out something REALLY wrong with it? The idea of making movies outside of Hollywood (as Fargo was made) was still just making its way into the maintstream in 1996, and seeing a film that was, for all intents, flawless being made by an independant got the right people excited, and of course talking about it. It’s unfortunate, however, that the tendancy to exaggerate and to use language that is less accessible than it needs to be made its way into many of the reviews, comments, and articles about the film (and I think that’s why it’s easy to be a little jaded about how people talk about Fargo, even though the film itself is pretty dang good).

Averted Eyes: 0

Breaks Needed to Complete Viewing: 0

Overall Rating from 1 to 10: At least 10ish 

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Hausu (House) - Dir. Nobuhiko Obayashi (1977)

When I was a kid, I sent away for a GWAR T-shirt that was advertised in the back of a heavy metal magazine. I stuffed an envelope with a $20 bill and off through the mail it went. To aquire “House”, I went through a very similar process; the only difference is “House” was actually delivered to me (and for $5 less).

Okay–forget everything else I’ve dared you to watch that you haven’t been able
to hunt down and watch yourself a little number called House (or Hausu,
depending).  No, no, not that one.  Nor either of it’s three sequels or
whatever.  I’m talking about the 1977 Japanese… thing… from one Nobuhiko
Obayashi.  I’m not sure how to classify this one, but it’s kinda like Happiness
of the Katakuris meets the trailer to Suspiria and they run headlong together
through High School Ghost Hustlers straight into a crappy Vincent Price movie
and some guy gets buried alive beneath bananas in the process.  Really, that
doesn’t do it justice, though–it’s definitely a five-leafer on the
Psychotronic scale. –The Rev.

I’ve seen one or two things called “House” in my day. The series of “horror” films by that name are certainly worth watching (or at least they were when I was 13), and the TV series about the doctor with an attitude can be very entertaining. However, after viewing this 1977 gem, the winner for best “House” is Hausu, by a long shot!

The Plot: As for the story, Hausu is not a far cry from a few other films I’ve seen. A few young women go on vacation to a creepy old house wherein resides a creepy old woman. Sounds pretty familiar, right?

What Makes It Watchable: When I’m in the mood for something weird, Japanese cinema is generally a good bet. However, sometimes I’m left with the feeling that the movie I just watched wasn’t Japanese enough. This was not the case with Hausu. Take the best parts of the oddest Japanese game show you’ve ever watched, combine it with a fairly rote haunting story, and add a sprinkle of legitimate experimental film and you’ll get something like this movie. In no way dissapointing, and completely watchable (if you can find it), movies like this are why I started this site in the first place.

(Sorry no more details; this movie is well worth going into without any knowledge of what will happen)

Averted Eyes: None

Breaks Needed to Complete Viewing: 1 to make nachos

Overall Rating from 1 to 10: 9 

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